Suma: Short Story: Last Part (3)

As Suma fled through the forest, the moon’s reflecting rays shining through the dark cloud, Suma now had time to think. He never realized how angry he really was, how furious he was at his father, at his mother. How much contempt he had for his sister, Delta, who used his patience for her own good, never caring, this was all realized. Suma knew his patience had been slowly dying as his hope was being quenched. Despair began to overwhelm him. It was all gone, now, all gone, everything his patience had bought him, all that he had hoped for or foreseen. He had lost everything and the pain now felt sharper than ever before. He had tried to pretend that life was nothing but a game of survival; nothing was personal, nothing was felt, nothing was permanent. He tried to remind himself that life was just avoiding the brunt of injustice, which he had failed to do, but all these arguments no longer satisfied, and seemed empty. He thought back, his patience had been his most violent, most passive aggressive, most dangerous, harmful weapon that completed all he was. He could deceive himself no longer. Suma felt disgusted with himself, pretending to be compassionate and loyal to the Alpha, he was simply biding his time. Was that all he was, had he always been biding his time to have his own way just like everyone else? Selfish and self-seeking!? Then he thought of what he had done for his mother, his sister, his brother, and many others. If it had not been for him, Epsilon would have been killed, too. If it had not been for him, his sister would have it far worse. For his mother, he had saved her from the wrath of the Alpha-Female by keeping the Alpha-Male looking favorably upon her. Had he done that all for himself? What had that brought him? A small hope perked in him; perhaps he wasn’t all selfish or evil. Was there any hope that he was not like everyone else? Was there any hope that there was more to life than what he experienced? That one could feel joy without being condemned to equal misery? Maybe all his philosophy was not a lie; maybe it was time to sort out the truth from the lies that had polluted it. These questions swarmed in his head as he traveled.

It was around this time he passed into another pack’s territory. He traveled secretly through the territory, careful not to run into the pack living in that territory. The territory was lush, beautiful, and bountiful in game. Its beauty surpassed the beauty of his past home. He dreaded leaving it, but he knew that he was risking death each day he stayed there. He was almost out of the territory when he came across a female wolf alone drinking from a river. Suma, for reason beyond his knowledge, approached her, cautiously of course. Despite the caution, the female heard him, and whirled around, bearing her teeth. “Who are you,” she snarled. “A stranger,” Suma ceased his approach. “And what is a stranger doing in the territory of my pack,” she growled, positioned for attack, “wait… you are from that other pack just north of here! You and your kind aren’t welcome here!” “I’m not here for trouble,” Suma told her, “just passing through.” She looked at him suspiciously, then leapt back. She howled loudly a warning howl. Suma knew that he would soon be surrounded by her pack, but before he could disappear into the woods, a male wolf leaped out, snarling. In an instant, Suma was also tense, ready to fight. It all happened within a second, but Suma felt that he knew the wolf, and suddenly the other stopped and exclaimed, “Suma?” He knew that voice, it was Epsilon! Epsilon welcomed Suma warmly. He was overjoyed to have Suma with him again. Epsilon was the Alpha-male here and Rho, the female wolf, was his mate, the Alpha-female. Epsilon, though still more aggressive than Suma, had finally learned patience and prudence, the final weapon needed to make him one of the best Alphas. There were no Omegas in this pack and Epsilon wasn’t as jealous as the Alpha-male in his former pack and allowed subordinate members of his pack to occasionally mate. This was rare, though, since most the members were siblings with the exception of a few refugee wolves who had fled their own packs. The Beta-male was the only male not allowed to mate. When the pack began to grow too big, one family would leave and start a new pack, keeping the separation rather simple. Suma stayed with his brother’s pack, although he was not an official member. Even though Epsilon was also from the northern pack, many of the wolves disliked Suma. Rho, however high Epsilon spoke of Suma, was still not satisfied with Suma’s defense for Epsilon a few years back. She felt that Suma hadn’t stood up for Epsilon “the way a loyal wolf would have” when Epsilon had been in trouble with the pack, and wouldn’t forgive him. Others held a more racist prejudice against him, as well as following in Rho’s opinion. Epsilon was partially oblivious to such feelings, and could not understand why Suma was not treated more warmly. Suma, who had full comprehension, was tolerant, though not altogether unhurt, would often travel on his own, then rejoin the pack at the rendezvous place. Epsilon was very disappointed with this, but allowed Suma to do as he wished, saying that Suma was under no authority of his or anyone else’s. Suma was pleased with his brother’s favor; a pleasant turn of events, for Suma realized he was beginning to feel emotion once again.

About three months after escaping, Suma was again traveling alone. He was in the area he admired so much in the territory. Its beauty was breath taking, and the peace alluring. Nothing had ever disturbed him here, nothing, that is, until recently. Suma had been bothered. He had picked up, quite vaguely, the scent of a female all too familiar, Veeta. “But how could she be here?” Suma asked himself, “Perhaps the wind is carrying her scent from the north.” But the wind was blowing north, so the scent must have come from the south. “Then she must have ran away to the south,” Suma assured himself, “she couldn’t possibly be here.” Several days passed, and Suma picked up no further scent, relieving him. He soon shook off any idea that Veeta was near as folly. A week or so later, Suma, still alone, was traveling in the same area. As he happened to pass by a large stone he heard a whimper. Startled, he stopped and stood still. For a moment, he heard nothing except the strong wind blowing south rustling the leaves. It had been windy all day. He nearly supposed that he had been only hearing things when it came again. Suma crept toward the sound. It appeared to be coming from under the rock! But how, there was nothing there!? Suma lay on the soft ground for a moment, staring at the stone until he found that a den had been dug beneath the rock. It was well disguised, with brush around it, and the hole just barely big enough for an adult wolf. Curious, Suma approached the den. He was not afraid. When he stepped on a twig and snapped it he stopped abruptly and a voice from within asked fearfully who was there. Suma stopped short, horrified. He knew that voice. It could belong to none other than Veeta! Would he never stop crossing paths with her? he wondered in exasperation. Suma answered that it was no one of concern to her or anyone else. “Oh, Suma, is that you?” Veeta asked, recognizing the cool voice, “Please, tell me if that’s you.” “Why should you be care?” Suma answered coldly. “Oh please, please, is that you?” she begged, “if it is, please don’t go yet!” “Why?” Suma inquired shortly. She explained that she had run away on her own after becoming pregnant, knowing the Alpha-female would not have mercy. “And who’s folly brought it?” Suma replied, turning to leave. Something pained him though. Was he still so angry at her?  The pain was great enough that when she called out pleading him only to bring her some small game so she could watch after her pups he was hesitant to refuse. After hearing the pups’ cries, he caved and told her he’d think about it. Guilt plagued his heart that day, destroying his peace that he had felt only hours earlier. He was not guilty for not having compassion, but he felt guilty for letting himself remain such a slave to his own anger. Let Veeta be enslaved to her own guilt, if she felt any, but why should he allow her wrong to him enslave him to his own anger, which he tried so hard to forget. Maybe releasing anger was not just forgetting, maybe one couldn’t forget. Suma struggled all day, and he finally decided that he would do the right thing, he would not hope she would pay, he would not even think of it, he would bring her that food and he would learn to forgive her, the only way to truly get rid of enslavement by anger. Later that day he brought her some meat and left it at the edge of her den, then left without a word. Learn to forgive, was the key, and even if he helped her, he didn’t feel obliged to have to speak more than necessary. Least said the better. Suma walked away realizing that he had so much to work on, so much ice in his heart to be rid of. Veeta had been sleeping, but awoke to find the food. Gratefulness filled her heart, the struggles she had gone through truly changed her heart, as she began to look beyond herself for the first time. Each day, Suma would bring small game to her den, never entering, and leave it at its opening. He heart began to soften, but he still did not speak to her more than necessary. Perhaps this might seem unforgiving, but Suma only knew what Veeta had been, and with that, he preferred to not be any more involved with her than necessary, not out of anger, but wisdom. Forgiveness, he decided, was releasing anger and hope of revenge, not folly and blind trust that the other person no longer committed the crime. About three weeks later, he saw Veeta for the first time with her pups just outside the den. The pups were stumbling around, as Veeta kept a watchful eye on them. “Who is the father,” Suma inquired after providing the meat. “The Alpha,” Veeta replied in contempt and regret. Suma was silent as he watched the pups play. The next day he came again, this time he stayed a moment to watch the pups. Veeta and he exchanged a few words when she suddenly said, “It was folly, the whole deal, you were right not to come with me.” Suma remained silent, contemplating what she had just said. She apparently did not expect a reply anyway, but rather said it simply to say it. A few minutes later he left. The next day, again, only few words were exchanged, same with the day after, and the day after that. Veeta’s voice no longer carried that prideful or arrogant air that it used to; now her voice was humble and submissive. Six weeks had passed, and the pups were eager to get out and about, but Veeta was too worried to go far from her den and was too tired to walk them about. One of the pups complained about this to Suma, when he came with the food. “Could you take us on a walk?” the pup, later to be named Demeke, begged. Suma was bought, and offered to Veeta to take them on a walk “within a mile of the den, and no farther” he assured. Veeta agreed, to the pups’ delight. The pups ran and jumped around playfully, Suma enjoyed watching them. Watching the Alpha’s pups had never brought much joy, but he enjoyed watching Veeta’s pups. He supposed it was because watching them did not remind him of his lost position or the prison he felt like he was in, watching Veeta’s pups reminded him of the freedom he had, how he rose above the situation, he was no longer bitter, and that he was even helping the one who had caused all this. The six pups liked Suma, too. They would jump around him, asking him to take them here or there. On that walk, Suma discovered that Veeta had not named any of them. When he returned three hours later, Suma mentioned it to her. “I did not think any of us would live this long,” Veeta told him, “thanks to you we have.” Suma, as usual was silent, rarely replying to anything Veeta said. It was not because he was angry with her, but quite honestly, he did not have anything to say to her. Today it turned out that he did not have to reply, for Veeta continued. She told him she could not believe that after what she had done, he would help even her children. She apologized and confessed how wrong she was, then finished by saying that she understood if he did not forgive, but she was ever so thankful for what he had done for her children. Suma quietly accepted the apology, surprised that he should even then feel resistance inside of him, then asked what had happened.

Veeta had mated with the Alpha hoping to become the next Alpha-Female after the present one died, which was likely to be soon, instead of Suma’s mother, who – thanks to Suma’s influence -was the most likely candidate for that. After becoming pregnant, Veeta realized that the Alpha-female had lost all tolerance for such unruly behavior, and rightfully so. Her mate had indulged far too many times, and had a continuous relationship with Theta, and relationship that hurt the Alpha-Female very much. Another female in the way in addition to Theta and the scattered others was too much. In truth, the Alpha-female was almost to the point of accepting this, until she happened to glance into Veeta’s eyes and saw that it was a beautiful pale green, like her own. “I will always love you,” the Alpha-female recalled Alpha-male telling her, “when I look into your eyes, I see the beautiful grass and woods we call home and I recall the moment I first met you, you are the only one with such eyes.” Not anymore! No! The Alpha-female’s heart broke and a fire lit, Veeta would not have her mate, she would die! Veeta realized that to save her life she would have to flee. Upon that, she – for the first time – felt a slight bit convicted about how foolish and cruel she had been, and the guilt set in. As she traveled each day, the guilt she felt for what she had done to Suma, causing him to lose everything, and even to Theta and the Alpha-female, attempting to ruin their already messed up lives for her own spite and gain, nearly drove her to returning, “I wanted to die,” she recounted, but her pregnancy prevented her. She felt between a rock and a hard place. Veeta knew she didn’t deserve to live, but would it be selfish for her to allow her pups to die as well for her sins? Death would be more merciful, taking her from her misery, but what about her pups? Veeta chose life for her and her pups. She hoped that she might be able to at least raise her children better than herself, that she might produce something good into the world before she died, or at least have tried to. Veeta dug her den and had her children. Three days later, Suma came along. She told him that the guilt had been weighing more heavily than ever, but his kindness to her and her offspring gave her a hope that her children would live, and the smallest little hope that perhaps, just maybe, he could forgive her. As soon as my children are old enough, Veeta assured, I will leave to another unmarked territory to raise them.

Suma assured Veeta that he never approved of what his mother was doing, but should she have lost favor; the Alpha-female would have leaped at the chance to get rid of her. He then, wholeheartedly, forgave Veeta. What freedom and joy she felt, a freedom and joy Veeta never thought she would ever have the privilege of feeling. “They still have no names,” Suma mentioned before he left. Veeta named them that night: Demeke, Kiya, Zeeta, Xi, Melku, and Tau. As he was walking home that night, Suma thought about what Veeta had told him, and about how she knew she deserved to die. Suma thought carefully over the words. Deep inside, he felt a little conviction. In some way or another, they had been the same, so had everyone, really. They each, in different ways, were looking out for their own gain. True, Suma considered others much more than Veeta had, but selfishness and self-gain was still a crime both were guilty of to an extent. It was an interesting revelation to him, who had, up till then, felt wholly above and righteous compared to Veeta. This revelation brought another trait to his plate, the character of Humility and Servant-hood. Such character traits were rare, but Suma realized that they were necessary for true joy. A new sense of freedom filled Suma that he had not felt before. He had felt the freedom of forgiveness, but now he felt the freedom from selfishness and need to pursue self-gain. That wasn’t important anymore, serving, living in humility, loving, forgiving, sharing joy was important, it was these things that brought joy, not position or pride. A weight seemed to be lifted. Suma came back the next day and again took the pups on a walk. This day he spoke more warmly to Veeta. Soon, both he and she would take the pups on their daily walks. The pups had gotten so used to Suma being around that when, after eight weeks had past and Suma had already taught them how to hunt small game, he did not come around as frequently, they were surprised and missed him terribly. To them, he was like their father. Veeta never allowed her pups to go farther than half a mile from the den for fear they would be seen, and they were getting ancy to explore farther.

It had been nearly a week since Suma had last come before he came again, Veeta told him she believed that they were ready to find a new territory to live in. Suma was quiet for a moment, then mentioned that Demeke, Kiya, Zeeta, Xi, Malku, and Tau had not yet learned how to hunt large game and asked if she was able to teach them or should he. Veeta did not see how this was possible without the pack living on the territory seeing them. Suma smiled and told her that the Alpha pair and the pack already knew of their presence and had kindly agreed to stay out of the area for just a few weeks.

He did not report Rho’s reaction to Veeta, though He could not help but smiling upon recalling it in his mind. When Suma had told Epsilon and Rho of Veeta, Rho was shocked that Suma could even contemplate helping her family. “Why that’s…” Rho had exclaimed negatively, but was unable to say anything more. “…the most noble and honorable act that anyone could do, and you are both, the most honorable and noble of all,” Epsilon finished for himself, “You put me to shame, brother, but perhaps that shame can be put to good use and produce a better Epsilon… and Rho. Your request is granted, we shall stay out of that area until you give leave. I am sure you agree, Rho?” Rho did not agree and her heart was in turmoil. She had always disapproved of Epsilon’s humility in praising his brother so, and secondly, she had disproved of Suma’s lack of vengeance of anything, assuming it to be laziness. Now she was stunned into speechlessness, Suma was living what his very being had always seemed to preach, though he had never said a word. She felt as though she had been thrown into another world. A world with forgiveness! Suddenly her distaste to Suma’s forgiveness and Epsilon’s praise of him felt childish. She understood why Epsilon ever spoke highly of him, when Rho could see nothing extraordinary about him; this is why Epsilon openly admitted not being able to compare his own character to Suma’s, for Suma would have no competition, a confession that ever made Rho uncomfortable. It took Rho a few days to recover from her shock and conviction, but after she did, she herself felt shame, and, like Epsilon, resolved to change herself. She respected Suma now as she never had before, and look at him with a positive air. Suma forgave her and others of their prejudice graciously.

Veeta, meanwhile, was very grateful to Rho and Epsilon and to Suma. Soon after, Suma and Veeta began to teach the young wolves how to hunt larger animals such as deer or elk, even bison. Suma taught that they should be cautious when approaching a large animal that stands its ground, and to try to make it run and tire it down before attacking. Each pup listened carefully and performed wonderfully. Suma told Veeta she should be proud of them. She smiled, and said that she was.

One day, Kiya asked if Suma would come with them when they moved on. Veeta quickly quieted her, but Suma did not contradict or act offended. The next day, Veeta overheard Demeke asking Suma the same question. Veeta was afraid that Suma would feel pressured and irritated, but as always he was ever patient. In truth, Veeta loved Suma more than she ever had before, but in no way did she even hope that he loved her, so she paid no mind to her feelings, only bearing in the mind the survival of her pups. Suma’s heart, however and without her knowledge, was very warm to her. It had started as a feeling of commitment to the pups. They saw him as their father, and he couldn’t help, no matter how he tried, to see them as his adopted children. He did not want to lose them. From there, his love grew, and started to focus on Veeta herself as he began admire Veeta’s selflessness in caring for them in contrast to her previous selfish heart. She gave her all to give them the best she could, acknowledging that it was not much at all. His love grew. Soon enough, he had no intention of letting her leave without him if possible.

He spoke to Epsilon on the topic. “I am not gifted, as are you,” Suma concluded thoughtfully, “in leadership or fatherhood. I have never really been active in another’s life as a father must be. My life has mainly been solo, even as Beta-male, the only bit of leadership experience I have. I have never been emotionally or mentally or actively responsible for another’s needs. All authority was external, and forced. You had a natural gift at it from the beginning, not I.” “Yet I,” Epsilon answered slowly, as though thinking carefully what to say, “am not gifted in patience or prudence, too often in the past my rashness got the better of me, is that not true? But I have learned, learned from you, I might say, and have become quite skilled in that matter. I assume it can be the same for you, learning to be responsible for not only your own well-being and character and needs but for another’s. You and I are not all that different, just a little lacking here and there or special gifting in one thing or another, but what we don’t have, we can learn. Many things can be learned just as well as being gifted in it, I can attest to that. Don’t lose confidence.” Suma took these words to heart, for now it was his turn to learn from Epsilon.

One day, while Veeta and he were alone, he mentioned something of this sort to her. Veeta could scarcely believe what she was hearing. He asked to go with her and be a father to her offspring and a mate to her. Epsilon had been good to him, of course, but he felt it was time to move on, and if it was not with her, it would be alone, but he would much rather be with her. He knew of good territory around there where they could make a home. Suma then confessed love for her, and Veeta then confessed her own love for him, and together they became from two to one. Demeke, Tau, Kiya, Malku, Xi, and Zeeta never saw Suma as anything less than a father anyway, making the change very natural.

A few years later Suma and Veeta were parenting a pack of their own much like Epsilon’s, the hierarchy was very much relaxed. Their land was abundant with food and their pack was as peaceful as nature would allow. They were very happy. None of Veeta’s daughters ever made her mistake, nor did any of her sons. Delta eventually joined their pack with a promise that she wouldn’t cause trouble; a promise that she kept, sometimes rather grudgingly. The children never cared for her. Delta never let go her bitterness, and was usually sullen and brooding, feeling sorry for herself. Suma sometimes wonder how she could still feel victimized. Suma’s mother never did see Suma again and she was too busy looking out for her own survival to care about him. If Theta had ever thought of leaving and joining him, she never did because she didn’t think he would have her, a very wrong assumption. Like Delta, no one ever knew if Theta regretted anything. The Alpha-female died shortly after Veeta fled, dying from the stressful life she had lived and the emotional trauma she had just experienced. Theta become Alpha-female after her, but by that time she was very old and died a month or so after.

Demeke and Tau eventually formed their own packs, not due to a falling out, but the growing pack. Malku became next Alpha-male; Kiya was Beta-Female in Demeke’s pack. Xi and Zeeta never did mate nor leave the pack; they instead grew up carefree and happy. They often stayed at the rendezvous and babysat the young, a task in other packs reserved for the Omega, but in this pack, that was not the case. Xi and Zeeta did so because they enjoyed doing so. Epsilon, whose pack’s territory was the only bordering territory at the time, was always friendly with Suma. Any threat that threatened either messed with both, and soon many other branching packs. Not a war one would like to start, Suma, Epsilon, and all their offspring were fierce fighters. Demeke and Tau took after their father in leadership; their territories also bordered their father’s.

Suma returned every bit of praise Epsilon had given him, and always spoke highly of his brother. Their relationship never quavered, even in disagreements. Visiting wolves were surprised at how positive and encouraging the Alphas were to each other. This was the last virtue that Suma and Epsilon learned that will be recounted in this book. Not only is putting others first a freeing thing for oneself, when everyone puts everyone else first, everyone comes out on the up side, because everyone is the being put first by another.

Most of Suma’s turmoil and questions had been answered. He knew that though injustice was unavoidable, life was not avoiding it, but rising above it, and living in freedom from it. Although emotion and openness did bring pain, emotionlessness still brought pain and would slowly kill physically, and feeling wisely brought a joy so amazing, that the pain that came on the side was small compared to it. Suma and Veeta had a very happy future.

(This post is a bit early, but I am busy tomorrow and may not have a chance - or remember - to post it. I hope you enjoyed it!)