Suma: Short Story: Last Part (3)

As Suma fled through the forest, the moon’s reflecting rays shining through the dark cloud, Suma now had time to think. He never realized how angry he really was, how furious he was at his father, at his mother. How much contempt he had for his sister, Delta, who used his patience for her own good, never caring, this was all realized. Suma knew his patience had been slowly dying as his hope was being quenched. Despair began to overwhelm him. It was all gone, now, all gone, everything his patience had bought him, all that he had hoped for or foreseen. He had lost everything and the pain now felt sharper than ever before. He had tried to pretend that life was nothing but a game of survival; nothing was personal, nothing was felt, nothing was permanent. He tried to remind himself that life was just avoiding the brunt of injustice, which he had failed to do, but all these arguments no longer satisfied, and seemed empty. He thought back, his patience had been his most violent, most passive aggressive, most dangerous, harmful weapon that completed all he was. He could deceive himself no longer. Suma felt disgusted with himself, pretending to be compassionate and loyal to the Alpha, he was simply biding his time. Was that all he was, had he always been biding his time to have his own way just like everyone else? Selfish and self-seeking!? Then he thought of what he had done for his mother, his sister, his brother, and many others. If it had not been for him, Epsilon would have been killed, too. If it had not been for him, his sister would have it far worse. For his mother, he had saved her from the wrath of the Alpha-Female by keeping the Alpha-Male looking favorably upon her. Had he done that all for himself? What had that brought him? A small hope perked in him; perhaps he wasn’t all selfish or evil. Was there any hope that he was not like everyone else? Was there any hope that there was more to life than what he experienced? That one could feel joy without being condemned to equal misery? Maybe all his philosophy was not a lie; maybe it was time to sort out the truth from the lies that had polluted it. These questions swarmed in his head as he traveled.

It was around this time he passed into another pack’s territory. He traveled secretly through the territory, careful not to run into the pack living in that territory. The territory was lush, beautiful, and bountiful in game. Its beauty surpassed the beauty of his past home. He dreaded leaving it, but he knew that he was risking death each day he stayed there. He was almost out of the territory when he came across a female wolf alone drinking from a river. Suma, for reason beyond his knowledge, approached her, cautiously of course. Despite the caution, the female heard him, and whirled around, bearing her teeth. “Who are you,” she snarled. “A stranger,” Suma ceased his approach. “And what is a stranger doing in the territory of my pack,” she growled, positioned for attack, “wait… you are from that other pack just north of here! You and your kind aren’t welcome here!” “I’m not here for trouble,” Suma told her, “just passing through.” She looked at him suspiciously, then leapt back. She howled loudly a warning howl. Suma knew that he would soon be surrounded by her pack, but before he could disappear into the woods, a male wolf leaped out, snarling. In an instant, Suma was also tense, ready to fight. It all happened within a second, but Suma felt that he knew the wolf, and suddenly the other stopped and exclaimed, “Suma?” He knew that voice, it was Epsilon! Epsilon welcomed Suma warmly. He was overjoyed to have Suma with him again. Epsilon was the Alpha-male here and Rho, the female wolf, was his mate, the Alpha-female. Epsilon, though still more aggressive than Suma, had finally learned patience and prudence, the final weapon needed to make him one of the best Alphas. There were no Omegas in this pack and Epsilon wasn’t as jealous as the Alpha-male in his former pack and allowed subordinate members of his pack to occasionally mate. This was rare, though, since most the members were siblings with the exception of a few refugee wolves who had fled their own packs. The Beta-male was the only male not allowed to mate. When the pack began to grow too big, one family would leave and start a new pack, keeping the separation rather simple. Suma stayed with his brother’s pack, although he was not an official member. Even though Epsilon was also from the northern pack, many of the wolves disliked Suma. Rho, however high Epsilon spoke of Suma, was still not satisfied with Suma’s defense for Epsilon a few years back. She felt that Suma hadn’t stood up for Epsilon “the way a loyal wolf would have” when Epsilon had been in trouble with the pack, and wouldn’t forgive him. Others held a more racist prejudice against him, as well as following in Rho’s opinion. Epsilon was partially oblivious to such feelings, and could not understand why Suma was not treated more warmly. Suma, who had full comprehension, was tolerant, though not altogether unhurt, would often travel on his own, then rejoin the pack at the rendezvous place. Epsilon was very disappointed with this, but allowed Suma to do as he wished, saying that Suma was under no authority of his or anyone else’s. Suma was pleased with his brother’s favor; a pleasant turn of events, for Suma realized he was beginning to feel emotion once again.

About three months after escaping, Suma was again traveling alone. He was in the area he admired so much in the territory. Its beauty was breath taking, and the peace alluring. Nothing had ever disturbed him here, nothing, that is, until recently. Suma had been bothered. He had picked up, quite vaguely, the scent of a female all too familiar, Veeta. “But how could she be here?” Suma asked himself, “Perhaps the wind is carrying her scent from the north.” But the wind was blowing north, so the scent must have come from the south. “Then she must have ran away to the south,” Suma assured himself, “she couldn’t possibly be here.” Several days passed, and Suma picked up no further scent, relieving him. He soon shook off any idea that Veeta was near as folly. A week or so later, Suma, still alone, was traveling in the same area. As he happened to pass by a large stone he heard a whimper. Startled, he stopped and stood still. For a moment, he heard nothing except the strong wind blowing south rustling the leaves. It had been windy all day. He nearly supposed that he had been only hearing things when it came again. Suma crept toward the sound. It appeared to be coming from under the rock! But how, there was nothing there!? Suma lay on the soft ground for a moment, staring at the stone until he found that a den had been dug beneath the rock. It was well disguised, with brush around it, and the hole just barely big enough for an adult wolf. Curious, Suma approached the den. He was not afraid. When he stepped on a twig and snapped it he stopped abruptly and a voice from within asked fearfully who was there. Suma stopped short, horrified. He knew that voice. It could belong to none other than Veeta! Would he never stop crossing paths with her? he wondered in exasperation. Suma answered that it was no one of concern to her or anyone else. “Oh, Suma, is that you?” Veeta asked, recognizing the cool voice, “Please, tell me if that’s you.” “Why should you be care?” Suma answered coldly. “Oh please, please, is that you?” she begged, “if it is, please don’t go yet!” “Why?” Suma inquired shortly. She explained that she had run away on her own after becoming pregnant, knowing the Alpha-female would not have mercy. “And who’s folly brought it?” Suma replied, turning to leave. Something pained him though. Was he still so angry at her?  The pain was great enough that when she called out pleading him only to bring her some small game so she could watch after her pups he was hesitant to refuse. After hearing the pups’ cries, he caved and told her he’d think about it. Guilt plagued his heart that day, destroying his peace that he had felt only hours earlier. He was not guilty for not having compassion, but he felt guilty for letting himself remain such a slave to his own anger. Let Veeta be enslaved to her own guilt, if she felt any, but why should he allow her wrong to him enslave him to his own anger, which he tried so hard to forget. Maybe releasing anger was not just forgetting, maybe one couldn’t forget. Suma struggled all day, and he finally decided that he would do the right thing, he would not hope she would pay, he would not even think of it, he would bring her that food and he would learn to forgive her, the only way to truly get rid of enslavement by anger. Later that day he brought her some meat and left it at the edge of her den, then left without a word. Learn to forgive, was the key, and even if he helped her, he didn’t feel obliged to have to speak more than necessary. Least said the better. Suma walked away realizing that he had so much to work on, so much ice in his heart to be rid of. Veeta had been sleeping, but awoke to find the food. Gratefulness filled her heart, the struggles she had gone through truly changed her heart, as she began to look beyond herself for the first time. Each day, Suma would bring small game to her den, never entering, and leave it at its opening. He heart began to soften, but he still did not speak to her more than necessary. Perhaps this might seem unforgiving, but Suma only knew what Veeta had been, and with that, he preferred to not be any more involved with her than necessary, not out of anger, but wisdom. Forgiveness, he decided, was releasing anger and hope of revenge, not folly and blind trust that the other person no longer committed the crime. About three weeks later, he saw Veeta for the first time with her pups just outside the den. The pups were stumbling around, as Veeta kept a watchful eye on them. “Who is the father,” Suma inquired after providing the meat. “The Alpha,” Veeta replied in contempt and regret. Suma was silent as he watched the pups play. The next day he came again, this time he stayed a moment to watch the pups. Veeta and he exchanged a few words when she suddenly said, “It was folly, the whole deal, you were right not to come with me.” Suma remained silent, contemplating what she had just said. She apparently did not expect a reply anyway, but rather said it simply to say it. A few minutes later he left. The next day, again, only few words were exchanged, same with the day after, and the day after that. Veeta’s voice no longer carried that prideful or arrogant air that it used to; now her voice was humble and submissive. Six weeks had passed, and the pups were eager to get out and about, but Veeta was too worried to go far from her den and was too tired to walk them about. One of the pups complained about this to Suma, when he came with the food. “Could you take us on a walk?” the pup, later to be named Demeke, begged. Suma was bought, and offered to Veeta to take them on a walk “within a mile of the den, and no farther” he assured. Veeta agreed, to the pups’ delight. The pups ran and jumped around playfully, Suma enjoyed watching them. Watching the Alpha’s pups had never brought much joy, but he enjoyed watching Veeta’s pups. He supposed it was because watching them did not remind him of his lost position or the prison he felt like he was in, watching Veeta’s pups reminded him of the freedom he had, how he rose above the situation, he was no longer bitter, and that he was even helping the one who had caused all this. The six pups liked Suma, too. They would jump around him, asking him to take them here or there. On that walk, Suma discovered that Veeta had not named any of them. When he returned three hours later, Suma mentioned it to her. “I did not think any of us would live this long,” Veeta told him, “thanks to you we have.” Suma, as usual was silent, rarely replying to anything Veeta said. It was not because he was angry with her, but quite honestly, he did not have anything to say to her. Today it turned out that he did not have to reply, for Veeta continued. She told him she could not believe that after what she had done, he would help even her children. She apologized and confessed how wrong she was, then finished by saying that she understood if he did not forgive, but she was ever so thankful for what he had done for her children. Suma quietly accepted the apology, surprised that he should even then feel resistance inside of him, then asked what had happened.

Veeta had mated with the Alpha hoping to become the next Alpha-Female after the present one died, which was likely to be soon, instead of Suma’s mother, who – thanks to Suma’s influence -was the most likely candidate for that. After becoming pregnant, Veeta realized that the Alpha-female had lost all tolerance for such unruly behavior, and rightfully so. Her mate had indulged far too many times, and had a continuous relationship with Theta, and relationship that hurt the Alpha-Female very much. Another female in the way in addition to Theta and the scattered others was too much. In truth, the Alpha-female was almost to the point of accepting this, until she happened to glance into Veeta’s eyes and saw that it was a beautiful pale green, like her own. “I will always love you,” the Alpha-female recalled Alpha-male telling her, “when I look into your eyes, I see the beautiful grass and woods we call home and I recall the moment I first met you, you are the only one with such eyes.” Not anymore! No! The Alpha-female’s heart broke and a fire lit, Veeta would not have her mate, she would die! Veeta realized that to save her life she would have to flee. Upon that, she – for the first time – felt a slight bit convicted about how foolish and cruel she had been, and the guilt set in. As she traveled each day, the guilt she felt for what she had done to Suma, causing him to lose everything, and even to Theta and the Alpha-female, attempting to ruin their already messed up lives for her own spite and gain, nearly drove her to returning, “I wanted to die,” she recounted, but her pregnancy prevented her. She felt between a rock and a hard place. Veeta knew she didn’t deserve to live, but would it be selfish for her to allow her pups to die as well for her sins? Death would be more merciful, taking her from her misery, but what about her pups? Veeta chose life for her and her pups. She hoped that she might be able to at least raise her children better than herself, that she might produce something good into the world before she died, or at least have tried to. Veeta dug her den and had her children. Three days later, Suma came along. She told him that the guilt had been weighing more heavily than ever, but his kindness to her and her offspring gave her a hope that her children would live, and the smallest little hope that perhaps, just maybe, he could forgive her. As soon as my children are old enough, Veeta assured, I will leave to another unmarked territory to raise them.

Suma assured Veeta that he never approved of what his mother was doing, but should she have lost favor; the Alpha-female would have leaped at the chance to get rid of her. He then, wholeheartedly, forgave Veeta. What freedom and joy she felt, a freedom and joy Veeta never thought she would ever have the privilege of feeling. “They still have no names,” Suma mentioned before he left. Veeta named them that night: Demeke, Kiya, Zeeta, Xi, Melku, and Tau. As he was walking home that night, Suma thought about what Veeta had told him, and about how she knew she deserved to die. Suma thought carefully over the words. Deep inside, he felt a little conviction. In some way or another, they had been the same, so had everyone, really. They each, in different ways, were looking out for their own gain. True, Suma considered others much more than Veeta had, but selfishness and self-gain was still a crime both were guilty of to an extent. It was an interesting revelation to him, who had, up till then, felt wholly above and righteous compared to Veeta. This revelation brought another trait to his plate, the character of Humility and Servant-hood. Such character traits were rare, but Suma realized that they were necessary for true joy. A new sense of freedom filled Suma that he had not felt before. He had felt the freedom of forgiveness, but now he felt the freedom from selfishness and need to pursue self-gain. That wasn’t important anymore, serving, living in humility, loving, forgiving, sharing joy was important, it was these things that brought joy, not position or pride. A weight seemed to be lifted. Suma came back the next day and again took the pups on a walk. This day he spoke more warmly to Veeta. Soon, both he and she would take the pups on their daily walks. The pups had gotten so used to Suma being around that when, after eight weeks had past and Suma had already taught them how to hunt small game, he did not come around as frequently, they were surprised and missed him terribly. To them, he was like their father. Veeta never allowed her pups to go farther than half a mile from the den for fear they would be seen, and they were getting ancy to explore farther.

It had been nearly a week since Suma had last come before he came again, Veeta told him she believed that they were ready to find a new territory to live in. Suma was quiet for a moment, then mentioned that Demeke, Kiya, Zeeta, Xi, Malku, and Tau had not yet learned how to hunt large game and asked if she was able to teach them or should he. Veeta did not see how this was possible without the pack living on the territory seeing them. Suma smiled and told her that the Alpha pair and the pack already knew of their presence and had kindly agreed to stay out of the area for just a few weeks.

He did not report Rho’s reaction to Veeta, though He could not help but smiling upon recalling it in his mind. When Suma had told Epsilon and Rho of Veeta, Rho was shocked that Suma could even contemplate helping her family. “Why that’s…” Rho had exclaimed negatively, but was unable to say anything more. “…the most noble and honorable act that anyone could do, and you are both, the most honorable and noble of all,” Epsilon finished for himself, “You put me to shame, brother, but perhaps that shame can be put to good use and produce a better Epsilon… and Rho. Your request is granted, we shall stay out of that area until you give leave. I am sure you agree, Rho?” Rho did not agree and her heart was in turmoil. She had always disapproved of Epsilon’s humility in praising his brother so, and secondly, she had disproved of Suma’s lack of vengeance of anything, assuming it to be laziness. Now she was stunned into speechlessness, Suma was living what his very being had always seemed to preach, though he had never said a word. She felt as though she had been thrown into another world. A world with forgiveness! Suddenly her distaste to Suma’s forgiveness and Epsilon’s praise of him felt childish. She understood why Epsilon ever spoke highly of him, when Rho could see nothing extraordinary about him; this is why Epsilon openly admitted not being able to compare his own character to Suma’s, for Suma would have no competition, a confession that ever made Rho uncomfortable. It took Rho a few days to recover from her shock and conviction, but after she did, she herself felt shame, and, like Epsilon, resolved to change herself. She respected Suma now as she never had before, and look at him with a positive air. Suma forgave her and others of their prejudice graciously.

Veeta, meanwhile, was very grateful to Rho and Epsilon and to Suma. Soon after, Suma and Veeta began to teach the young wolves how to hunt larger animals such as deer or elk, even bison. Suma taught that they should be cautious when approaching a large animal that stands its ground, and to try to make it run and tire it down before attacking. Each pup listened carefully and performed wonderfully. Suma told Veeta she should be proud of them. She smiled, and said that she was.

One day, Kiya asked if Suma would come with them when they moved on. Veeta quickly quieted her, but Suma did not contradict or act offended. The next day, Veeta overheard Demeke asking Suma the same question. Veeta was afraid that Suma would feel pressured and irritated, but as always he was ever patient. In truth, Veeta loved Suma more than she ever had before, but in no way did she even hope that he loved her, so she paid no mind to her feelings, only bearing in the mind the survival of her pups. Suma’s heart, however and without her knowledge, was very warm to her. It had started as a feeling of commitment to the pups. They saw him as their father, and he couldn’t help, no matter how he tried, to see them as his adopted children. He did not want to lose them. From there, his love grew, and started to focus on Veeta herself as he began admire Veeta’s selflessness in caring for them in contrast to her previous selfish heart. She gave her all to give them the best she could, acknowledging that it was not much at all. His love grew. Soon enough, he had no intention of letting her leave without him if possible.

He spoke to Epsilon on the topic. “I am not gifted, as are you,” Suma concluded thoughtfully, “in leadership or fatherhood. I have never really been active in another’s life as a father must be. My life has mainly been solo, even as Beta-male, the only bit of leadership experience I have. I have never been emotionally or mentally or actively responsible for another’s needs. All authority was external, and forced. You had a natural gift at it from the beginning, not I.” “Yet I,” Epsilon answered slowly, as though thinking carefully what to say, “am not gifted in patience or prudence, too often in the past my rashness got the better of me, is that not true? But I have learned, learned from you, I might say, and have become quite skilled in that matter. I assume it can be the same for you, learning to be responsible for not only your own well-being and character and needs but for another’s. You and I are not all that different, just a little lacking here and there or special gifting in one thing or another, but what we don’t have, we can learn. Many things can be learned just as well as being gifted in it, I can attest to that. Don’t lose confidence.” Suma took these words to heart, for now it was his turn to learn from Epsilon.

One day, while Veeta and he were alone, he mentioned something of this sort to her. Veeta could scarcely believe what she was hearing. He asked to go with her and be a father to her offspring and a mate to her. Epsilon had been good to him, of course, but he felt it was time to move on, and if it was not with her, it would be alone, but he would much rather be with her. He knew of good territory around there where they could make a home. Suma then confessed love for her, and Veeta then confessed her own love for him, and together they became from two to one. Demeke, Tau, Kiya, Malku, Xi, and Zeeta never saw Suma as anything less than a father anyway, making the change very natural.

A few years later Suma and Veeta were parenting a pack of their own much like Epsilon’s, the hierarchy was very much relaxed. Their land was abundant with food and their pack was as peaceful as nature would allow. They were very happy. None of Veeta’s daughters ever made her mistake, nor did any of her sons. Delta eventually joined their pack with a promise that she wouldn’t cause trouble; a promise that she kept, sometimes rather grudgingly. The children never cared for her. Delta never let go her bitterness, and was usually sullen and brooding, feeling sorry for herself. Suma sometimes wonder how she could still feel victimized. Suma’s mother never did see Suma again and she was too busy looking out for her own survival to care about him. If Theta had ever thought of leaving and joining him, she never did because she didn’t think he would have her, a very wrong assumption. Like Delta, no one ever knew if Theta regretted anything. The Alpha-female died shortly after Veeta fled, dying from the stressful life she had lived and the emotional trauma she had just experienced. Theta become Alpha-female after her, but by that time she was very old and died a month or so after.

Demeke and Tau eventually formed their own packs, not due to a falling out, but the growing pack. Malku became next Alpha-male; Kiya was Beta-Female in Demeke’s pack. Xi and Zeeta never did mate nor leave the pack; they instead grew up carefree and happy. They often stayed at the rendezvous and babysat the young, a task in other packs reserved for the Omega, but in this pack, that was not the case. Xi and Zeeta did so because they enjoyed doing so. Epsilon, whose pack’s territory was the only bordering territory at the time, was always friendly with Suma. Any threat that threatened either messed with both, and soon many other branching packs. Not a war one would like to start, Suma, Epsilon, and all their offspring were fierce fighters. Demeke and Tau took after their father in leadership; their territories also bordered their father’s.

Suma returned every bit of praise Epsilon had given him, and always spoke highly of his brother. Their relationship never quavered, even in disagreements. Visiting wolves were surprised at how positive and encouraging the Alphas were to each other. This was the last virtue that Suma and Epsilon learned that will be recounted in this book. Not only is putting others first a freeing thing for oneself, when everyone puts everyone else first, everyone comes out on the up side, because everyone is the being put first by another.

Most of Suma’s turmoil and questions had been answered. He knew that though injustice was unavoidable, life was not avoiding it, but rising above it, and living in freedom from it. Although emotion and openness did bring pain, emotionlessness still brought pain and would slowly kill physically, and feeling wisely brought a joy so amazing, that the pain that came on the side was small compared to it. Suma and Veeta had a very happy future.

(This post is a bit early, but I am busy tomorrow and may not have a chance - or remember - to post it. I hope you enjoyed it!)

Suma: A Short Story: Part 2

Spring came six new pups were now a part of the pack, making the pack the size of 16 wolves; nine males, seven females. Suma and his siblings were now a year old. One a sunny spring morning, Suma traveled alone to the rendezvous point. The sun was causing a beautiful affect upon the forest as the rays lit the leaves above. He took this time to think. As he did, he realized he hadn’t spoken to Epsilon in awhile, nor Delta, nor Kappa. They had all been rather busy promoting their own interests. Epsilon was far ahead of him now, but Suma was being patient. He felt that if he went slowly, but surely up, he would be slow in falling, if he ever fell. If he used all that he had to get where he wanted to be, he would have nothing left to stay there. With these thoughts, Suma was content with patience. Epsilon once told him that he tried to be patient, but when he saw an opportunity, he felt better taking it rather than chancing loosing it, and it hurt him not to take it. To Suma’s displeasure, he often saw that it was Epsilon’s rash prudence and impulsive behavior that brought him favor rather than his patient, thought out behavior. Delta was still fighting her decline, but the harder she fought the faster she fell. Kappa remained satisfied, though he did trod the edge occasionally. Suma noted that while Delta was beginning to lose heart, “the very thing that might save her life,” Suma thought, Kappa and even Epsilon were beginning to grow arrogant and cocky. It was midsummer when Suma was once again in the same rank as Epsilon, a Beta-wolf. Epsilon had found his place organizing hunting. Suma wondered if Epsilon was settling for it, or was still aiming for the highest goal, the Beta-male, second in command, with only the Alpha-male to answer to. If so, Suma would not have rivalry with him. A short chat with him dispelled such hopes. Epsilon’s mind was still very much on the position as Beta-male. What they both soon discovered was that, though strength and skill might help get you there, it was intelligence, favor, intellectuality, and patience that might promise the coveted seat of power; all of which skills Suma had so diligently learned and possessed. As Suma began to rise to Beta-male, his three siblings were struggling. Kappa followed the footsteps of his father exactly and that late winter was found guilty for the same offense. Suma, who was now close to the Alpha-male, attempted to passively talk him into mercy, but the Alpha would not have it. Kappa was killed the very day he was convicted. Epsilon, struggling with his arrogance, finally picked a fight with the wrong dog, a fate Suma had long predicted and dreaded. For three days he was guarded at the rendezvous place, forbidden to eat, drink, or leave, while the Alpha decided what to do. He didn’t actually think about it much, he was busy with other things. That is why nothing was decided until the third day.

“Sir,” Suma spoke to the Alpha-male on the third day, “Epsilon is still a prisoner. His guard is taking up three of our able wolves for hardly a worthy cause, as many have offended in the same way before him and fate was chosen within the day. Forgive me if I am being overbold in my views, but I see not why we must waste good wolves for such a trivial task.” He was not yet Beta-male, but the Alpha favored him, and often called Suma to consult with, for at the moment, there was no Beta-male.

“The cursed family,” the Alpha answered irritably, “it is the curse of their father that ails their doom. His family will never live peacefully beside mine; I should never have accepted it, allowing the pups to live. The fool should be killed as his father and brother before him. Why did their father have to produce such able offspring who spoil their value with their idiocy? Now I must regret to lose him.” Suma hoped to influence the Alpha into giving no punishment and let it pass, but if that should fail, his following plan had to be done before Epsilon lost strength. The Alpha’s last comment gave him hope.

“Sir, forgive me if I am wrong,” Suma interjected, hiding his urgency, “but I can see you are in no mood to kill another wolf. Why put yourself at any displeasure. He is what you say; only an able fool, hardly worth any attention.”

“Yes, only a fool,” the Alpha resolved, “but a punishment must be made. I cannot have my pack rising against me. If not death, what would you suggest?”

Suma hid a cringe at these words. It was the last cringe he ever felt, it was the cringe that he had been waiting for. All his hiding his thoughts and true feelings had finally turned his heart into a walled city. This was the last blow, as the final gate was closed. It was not that he no longer had a heart; it was that no longer was there any free access from the outside to the heart. Every word, every action was analyzed, and rarely did any pass through the iron gates.

Fortunately, Suma had also expected such a question, and proceeded to suggest a punishment harsh enough to please the Alpha-male, but merciful enough that Epsilon might survive. “Perhaps run him off,” Suma proposed, “he would most likely be ambushed by another pack in another territory and killed anyway.”

“Very well,” the Alpha consented, “see to it yourself that it is done.”

Suma made his way back to the rendezvous where Epsilon was. “The good Alpha has decided to spare his life,” Suma coldly told the guards, “he is to be run off from this territory, never to return.” Suma looked at Epsilon, hoping he could read into his eyes that he was trying to save his life. Epsilon, still wounded from the fight and weak from not being allowed to eat or drink for three days, stood up, his own eyes told Suma; he understood. Epsilon left that day, but Suma held hope that he had been strong enough to make it to an unmarked territory to live peacefully and free. Suma’s sister, Delta, his only sibling left in the pack, lost her struggle soon after. After nearly provoking a fight with a higher female, the Alpha-female reprimanded her, and threatened “to finish the fight.” Delta’s courage and spite failed her. She cowered from the Alpha-female, revealing who she really was, and fearfully accepted life as Omega-female. After a few days, most the fear fell away, but enough stayed that Delta never challenged her position, but she was miserable. She often babysat the pups, who she hated, and distracted other wolves when they were about to fight, an act quite contrary to her nature. She despised life and everyone in it, but she was too afraid to lose it and too afraid to attempt fending for herself. Her pride stung every day. She was wholly and completely dependent and enslaved to her fear. Suma kept a watchful eye on her. He had already lost two siblings, one being his best-friend, as best-friends go. He knew that the Alpha-pair were not his parents as they were all the others. Suma reached his goal soon after the affair. He was Suma, Beta-Male. During this time, Suma had more contact with his mother, Theta. One could hardly tell Theta was his mother. Suma treated her with respect, but any further relationship was impossible and was not wanted. Theta had worked so hard to be accepted by the Alpha-male, to be what she thought was loved. Seeing Suma reminded her of all that was, all that hung by a thread, and all she owed. She wanted so deeply not to fear; she wanted so passionately to know she was forgiven of her past and that she was protected the persecution of the Alpha-female and the past that haunted her. The Alpha-female’s life was hardly better. She, too, lived in fear. Every day she had to aggressively protect her position as Alpha-female, every day she was burdened by the fear that she would be replaced, and that all she knew would be gone and she would have to survive alone. The one male that had been her own, with whom she bore offspring with, was the very one whom she could not trust to protect her life, although it was with him it hung. This gave Suma’s position more power, for, since the female’s influence were divided between Theta and the Alpha-female, the Alpha-male relied greatly on Suma’s influence, often deciding one way or another depending on what Suma thought. From that, Suma learned another skill, influence. He learned that influence used correctly and cautiously brought amazing power. Patience taught him how to use Influence properly and effectively. Favor and Cleverness taught him how to use Influence for his benefit, or the benefit of others. The Alpha-female despised Suma. Many times her plot to rid herself of Theta forever was foiled by Suma’s patient, convincing words of advice against such a plan of action to the Alpha-male. Theta, who knew nothing of Suma’s influence, only feared that he was reminding the Alpha-male of what she had done, and he would lose favor in her, therefore, did not like him, either. Theta has ceased to truly live, she only survived. She felt no emotion, the emotional trauma earlier in her life had killed her, she had no hope. She was almost a living dead. Suma did not like what his mother was doing, he felt it was not fair to the Alpha-female or the Alpha-male or even herself. He couldn’t help but have compassion. This was one of the only reasons he secretly influenced in her favor, besides, she had raised them to be old enough to possibly survive rather than abandoning them immediately and he understood the desperation, the fear, and the hopelessness of her situation. In a large sense, she didn’t have any other options. She was drained, dreaming only of love, freedom, and forgiveness, something she feared she would never have with Suma reminding the Alpha-male of her past. Even with the opposition, Suma’s patience and knack at pleasing his superior kept him relatively safe from loss of position, but he, too, often lived in hidden fear.

It was late winter again, the snow was deep. Suma was three years old and it was breeding time. Suma kept watch of his position with a sharp eye. He was not the same Suma. He was still patient, influential, prudent, and a fierce fighter when need be, but he was colder, less feeling. *So much fear surrounded him, that it was no wonder that he blocked it out, and became outwardly emotionless. He secretly cared about others, but the secret was kept even from himself. Most breeding times went very smoothly, but this late winter was different. A few of the females were flighty and flirty, wishing to breed, too. One female, eager to show her contempt toward her place in the hierarchy and prove that she was unruly and uncontrollable by the Alpha and Alpha-female, approached Suma invitingly several times a day. Finally, one day, she exclaimed that the hierarchy was such a bore and she would much rather go out and start a pack of her own, being the Alpha-Female. She looked at Suma and asked if he wouldn’t like that, too. Why should he have to be second best to her father? “You aren’t even his son,” she mentioned coyly, “he killed your father and your brother! You certainly owe nothing to him!” Suma shook his head, he did not want to be the third in his family, that could threaten his mother and sister livelihood and waste all of his hard work and patience. The female, Veeta, looked disappointed, but did not give up. She came back the next day, and the next. She continued to pursue him aggressively, evasively suggesting running away and beginning their own pack at the top of the hierarchy. Suma admitted, not to her, but to himself, that the hierarchy was a tiresome thing, often unfair, and cruel, but it was the way of life, and rebelling against it only to create one for themselves was a foolish thought. Finally, as spring was close in coming, the Alpha’s daughter exclaimed that she was very much disappointed in him; “If you will not free me from this hierarchy, this prison!” she vented, “I will free myself, and you shall pay for your folly!” Suma refused to be moved. He knew it was only a matter of time before the Alpha would die and he would become Alpha, and he would not break his vow not to make the same mistake as his father and brother. He had worked patiently and hard for the position he was in. He was content to wait for the promised position rather than run off with a female he had no desire for and no character at all. The Alpha’s daughter’s threat did make him wary. He knew how fragile all this was, he could not admit that he wasn’t worried. He decided that if everything fell anyway, he would not regret standing firm. It was no use running from injustice by being rebellious or unjust. Injustice would come, no matter where one was, it was unavoidable. In a way, it was part of life, and life was simply avoiding the brunt of it. Still, Suma felt sure that perhaps something better was waiting for him, somewhere in the future. Meanwhile, he would have to deal with the matters at hand. Veeta’s revenge didn’t take long. The next day she was very moody and acted as though someone had done some great wrong to her. The day after that, Suma heard a friend pressuring her to tell what had happened, and Veeta ‘hesitantly’ telling the friend that Suma had tried to mate with her, but she would not let him. That friend told many other friends, and soon, the Alpha had called her to hear her confirm the rumors he had heard. She confirmed them with tears in her eyes. Suma, who had been watching at a distance, was impressed at Veeta’s acting skills. He knew he would not get a chance to defend himself, with two of his family behaving thusly and Veeta being the favorite daughter. Furious at being betrayed – or so he thought – by another of the ‘cursed’ family, the Alpha’s wrath was turned on Suma. Even then, Suma felt nothing, no regret, no mourning, but took it quietly. In a single cold day, Suma went from Beta-male to Omega-male. The Alpha claimed to be showing mercy by not killing him, but truth be told, he did not really want to lose such a valuable wolf as Suma, who would work hard and productively in any position. Suma could not lie to himself and say that the change was easy, it was most difficult, but even so Suma was ever patient and continued to shove away his feelings. Delta was not as quiet, and raved about the unfairness of her situation, not thinking for a second the true injustice of Suma’s life. Soon, though, she realized that she could make Suma do all the work while she had her fun. Delta was not as patient and no longer more alluring as Veeta, but she knew what she wanted and how to get it much better than Veeta. Despite what had happened and his sister’s selfish actions, Suma still had a strange small hope that there would be a favorable turn of events after another terrible turn, but even that hope was slowing slipping away as hopelessness took its place.

A year passed, and the forest was again white. Suma was relaxing at the rendezvous place, finally with nothing to do; he hoped to enjoy the quiet, beautiful forest when the female temptress came around again. “Tell me,” Veeta asked, “do you regret resisting me?” Then she again begged him to ‘rescue’ her, to take her away and to start his own pack with her. “There is nothing here for you,” she insisted, “come with me and we will have a future.” When he refused, she became angry again. “Are you so stupid,” Veeta exclaimed, “can’t you see you are the lowest in the hierarchy?” Suma- for nearly the first time – lost his patience and angrily told her that if he were to leave with her, he would become a slave to her; a worse master than the others. He would never leave with her, ever, and he pitied anyone who would. She left in a huff. A month later, she was pregnant. How could she be so stupid, Suma wondered. He was not angry. He felt ashamed of losing his patience, and regained his composure even in the worst of circumstances. Delta did not share love for anyone but herself, yet when she heard of this, she felt an urgent feeling to warn Suma. Perhaps she thought she would feel guilty if she didn’t, after all he had done for her. Perhaps she saw no reason not to; after all, she had no love for the pack. Or perhaps she was as selfish as ever, and supposed that if he escaped; she might later escape to him for him to take care of her again. Whatever her reason, she insisted that he leave because he was the easiest scapegoat for the real violator. Suma did not need her urging, and on that cold, moonlit night, Suma fled. He did not know where he would go, or what he would do, but he could not stay if he wished to live.

(Sorry it's late)

Fall and Winter

Fall: All the trees sway in the breeze, the leaves turning from green to brown, orange, red, and purple as the xylem and phloem are stopped from flowing into them, starving the chlorophyll making cells revealing the other plastids hidden beneath. Even though the grey and rain conquer the overcast skies, spirits are bright. Holidays are on the way: Harvest and Thanksgivings. It is the season to remember our blessings, the seasons to be content, the season to work hard, bring in the good harvest of our crops and our hearts. Colors are bright but few, revealing the truth underneath that bright green or purple in the summer. The season of thankfulness and receiving has come, and a season of giving and new beginnings to follow.

Winter: Most trees are bare, the branches shuddering in the cold, the large pine trees and evergreens stand tall and green, as though promising for spring and summer to return. Spring will return, even if every tree, every heart, forgets its existence, its promise. Many stay focused on their work, not wishing to notice the dead, dead world around them, almost as real as the death in their hearts. But others prepared themselves in the harvest for the frost, and now looked eagerly for signs of the Spring that they know will come. Christmas comes, and they remember its meaning, its promise, while other just use it to distract them from the biting cold winter. When snow falls, they remember the hope, the purity, the forgiveness granted to their hearts by Jesus. And as the new year comes, they remember the new birth, the new life, the new beginnings given to them by Jesus, for, even if their mind forgets, their heart will always remember, will always know of the hope coming, just as truly as every tree, dead they may look, remember in their xylems, remember in their phloems, that spring will come, as surely as the evergreens, as surely as the pine trees are green, as sure as they promise, because Spring will always come to those who remember. Some trees forget, and they wither and die, not to be seen alive again, but most look to the evergreen and hold the hope. Trees are more trusting than people, for those that last the winter are many, but people who last the winter in their hearts are few.

The Pit

A long time ago The Devil dug a hole, he named it Sin. Then he covered Sin with branches, grass, and beautiful poisonous flowers, this he named Temptation. For a long time he laughed maliciously as people, attracted by Temptation, fell into Sin. God then sent a perfect carpenter, His son, Jesus. Jesus built a huge, tall, tall Ladder of many names and put it into the hole so people would no longer be trapped in Sin. A few of the Ladder’s names are forgiveness, grace, love, and salvation. Jesus is our Savior!