Among the Oil Derricks: Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Emilie followed slowly. She wanted to allow Drake some time before she approached him. She had lost sight of him, but hoped to spot him soon. It was relatively flat desert land. He couldn’t exactly disappear. After several minutes she spied Spero by an oddly shaped hill. No Drake. Emilie looked around. Where was he? Maybe she was wrong, maybe he could disappear. No! There was his shoe print! Prints! Maybe she could follow them. They seemed to lead right into the hill. After awhile of loud searching, Drake’s voice suddenly said behind her, “I’m here, alright.” Emilie whirled around.

“Drake!” she gasped startled.

“What do you want?” he asked sullenly.

“I thought - I thought you might want someone to talk to.”

“Well I don’t.”

“Fine, you need someone to talk to.”

“In which case you know not think. I don’t need anyone to talk to.”

“Granted,” Emilie conceded, “I guess you don’t, but I’ve always found that having another person to listen helps me get over things and I know a lot of people who do. Even sometimes just having someone there is comforting. But, I’ll go if you really mind me. I just wanted you to know we care enough not to just let you go.”

“Really? Where’s Derek?” Drake challenged.

“I told him not to come, you didn’t seem ready to talk to him,” Emilie replied.

“Yeah, I’m not,” Drake slumped down, “I don’t mind you staying if you care to, I don’t have anything to say, though. Everything is going wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” Emilie sat down and said nothing more. There were several minutes of silence until Drake said, “Everything I ever cared about is gone or going away. It’s like everything and everyone is trying to take it and those who might have cared just can’t. It - it all started when Ashley died.”

“Drake, who’s Ashley?” Emilie asked gently.

“Ashley,” he murmured in a broken voice, “Ashley. She was my sister. The only one in the world who couldn’t live without me and wouldn’t want to if she could. She really loved me!”

“What happened to her?”

“She died… she died…” Drake sighed, he seemed to grow up so quickly, “When we were little, our parents drank too much and did drugs. We were left to take care of ourselves, so I took it upon myself to take care of Ashley. If anyone said anything bad about her, I’d beat them up until they took it back and promised never to do it again. Each time after Ashley would run up to me and hug me and tell me she didn’t need a prince charming, castles, or glass shoes because she had me and I was her hero.” Drake smiled a little. “But then she got sick with a fever. She shouldn’t have died. Many kids had had it and didn’t die, but she did need a doctor or something to help her get better. Mom and Dad were too drunk or out of it to know or care. I wanted to go to the police, but I was too afraid. One night when she was really bad, Mom and Dad didn’t come home. I couldn’t wait, I went for the police, but it was too late. I found out later Mom had dropped dead from anorexia assisted by a drug overdose and my Dad got angry about it and fought with the dealer who shot him. I was sent to foster care after than and has been in the system ever since.”

“Do - you think it was your fault?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think Ashley dying was your fault?”

Drake was quiet then nodded slowly, “I should have gone - I should have gone for the police earlier. Why did I wait? It was my fault.”

“No, Drake, it wasn’t your fault,” Emilie touched his hand, “you made a mistake in not going earlier, but - how old were you?”

“Eight or nine.”

“That was a confusing situation, Drake, your parents should have been there, your parents should have called the shots, that was what is natural,” Emilie explained, “It shouldn’t have been your responsibility, but by unfortunate circumstance, it was. No one would blame you, I don’t, and I know Ashley doesn’t, and God certainly doesn’t. It was very unfair.”

“But if I had -” Drake choked up, “if I had, she’d still be alive.”

“We don’t know that,” answered Emilie.

“It makes me so mad, but sometimes I am glad she’s not here,” Drake confessed, “we might not always be together, she might be adopted into some other family, and she wouldn’t like moving so much.” Emilie nodded. “I hate Derek.” he suddenly said.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know, I shouldn’t, I know that, but I do,” Drake held his head with his hands with a frustrated look.

Emilie waited a moment before replying, “Is it because you actually like him and that makes you angry you are vulnerable to a man again? Do you think sometimes you might feel like something is your fault and so you hate yourself, but taking all the blame is just too much, so you hate and blame others, too, causing you to hate yourself more for not being able to hold it all in? You have a legitimate reason, Drake, but you really can’t take the blame for everything. Some of the things you blame yourself for is too much for you so what else can you do? And sometimes there are things that are really someone else’s fault and sometimes it is nobody.” It was a bit off topic, but Emilie felt that this was an issue important to discuss.

“It makes no sense, it has to be someone's fault, it always has to be someone’s fault,” Drake murmured, “I don’t like blaming other people, I’d rather blame myself, but - you’re right, it is too much and it does leak. I haven’t known him for very long, but he’s been the closest thing to male family member I’ve ever had, like an adult brother or cousin or something, yet -” Drake stopped. He didn’t know how to explain why he continued to push him away.

“Everything you hold close gets ripped away, the man who was supposed to love and grow you into a man ended up hurting you most?” Emilie finished his thought, “It is a justifiable fear, too. It is very unfair and even very unjust, which is worse. But you need to decide what you are going to do. You’ve been hurt, but its your choice to grab God’s hand and get back up, just as its Derek’s choice to make the right decisions in his new life and my choice to do what I know is right despite my feelings. God made us to be overcomers, God made us with the resilience with His strength and mercy to make it through whatever comes our way.”

“You talk about wisdom,” Drake mentioned, “but is it wise for you to go with Derek? I mean, looking at it honestly, you could just be a fancy of his.”

“I like Derek a lot,” Emilie admitted, “and sometimes I feel that I would give up everything just to be his, even despite my conviction and wisdom, but you’re right. I couldn’t just trust I’d change him for good after I’ve given him all of me. It’s a journey he has to take even while I’m still in question. I can’t even be his reason; he has to make that decision for himself. But he’s changed a lot. Drake, if you could see the man that he was and the man that he is you’d be amazed. Still, even now, I am waiting and hoping. He’s so close, but I still am waiting on the Lord to see if it is his plan.”

“God… now we get to Him,” Drake muttered, “you know, the Carlyle’s wanted to adopt me but they felt like God said no… why would God say no? Don’t you think it was more of the influence of money, subconsciously, of course? And if God really loved them, why would He let this happen? They loved their home and their foster kids. Why would God let that be taken away from them? Why would He let it be taken away from me? I just don’t think I can believe it.”

“This is a tough one to answer because there is a lot of hurt tied up into it,” Emilie had tears in her eyes, “and we all understand. Pain is very real, but Jesus understands too. I mean, don’t you think Jesus of all people would have a pretty good reason to ask how could God let what happen to him happen to him?” Drake nodded. “And we see that in the end, it was for a glorious purpose and the joy that came afterwards was greater than the pain, but the joy couldn’t happen without the pain. That is not the only reason. Sometimes we allow ourselves to sit in a dull pain because we are too lazy to move. God sees what He wants for us, but sometimes only bad things happening in the short run will get us moving in that direction. If this hadn’t happen, would we be having this conversation? Would you have met me and Derek the way we have? Sometimes trials is what gets us moving to the next leg our our journey home, where we won’t have this pain. And in all honesty, sometimes pain is just what happens in this life because we do live in a  fallen world, but we have comfort that God will not only never let us have more than we can handle but He also promises to take our trials and make us stronger, use them for good, and give us a reward for standing strong in the end, because this Earth is not eternal, but Heaven is.”

“I guess it’s worth it, after all. Giving up doesn’t make things better,” Drake shrugged acceptingly, “though it might make us think it does.” A light came into his face, “I understand it, now. I see the hope, now. I didn’t understand before, I just knew I had to hold onto hope, I needed it. It was so devastating when I gave up. It was like, I wasn’t ready to give up even on something that seemed to be failing me and taking so much energy to maintain. I see why now. It wasn't and somewhere deep inside, I knew it! And now I have it again!”

“Pisti, Spero, et Ama,” Emilie smiled, “Faith, hope, and love. Greek and Latin, right?”

“Yes, no one knew,” Drake laughed a little then grew grave again, “Does Derek really care about me?”

“You might be interested in knowing that I’ve never seen Derek care so much about another person besides myself. He hurts for you. Right now he hurts thinking he hurt you.”

“Why’d he let me go so easily in the caves?” Drake asked.

“You were breaking the rules, Drake, and we tried to find your right after. Why he let you run? Because he didn’t have the authority of a family member or guardian to stop you and he was afraid to use his authority as an adult and step-in guardian for fear of making you feel betrayed.”

“I guess we are all sometimes stuck between a rock and a hard place,” Drake smiled ruefully, “I forgive him. I am beginning to feel convicted myself. I’ve been acting defensively and out of fear causing me to act selfishly. I now see what you mean. Mrs. C and Mr. C did so much that I was so oblivious to. You and Derek have, too. Even Lexie did some nice things and even if she didn’t - gee, I should have understood. It’s so hard to live with people when you’re afraid of them.” Emilie nodded. Drake stared across the sand and brush before taking a deep breath, “Maybe I ought to ask for forgiveness, I remember that much from what I learned years ago from church kids. Since you’re here, Emilie, will you forgive me for being selfish and suspicious. It was unfair and wrong.”

“Yes, Drake, I do,” Emilie hugged him, “I do, God bless you!”

“Can you get Derek? I - I still want some time,” Drake asked.

“Sure will,” Emilie stood.

“I’ll be around,” Drake told her.

“Don’t get lost,” Emilie rode back to the farmhouse. When she got there Derek was nowhere to be seen, neither was his car. Where was he.

*Bzz* *Bzz* her phone rang. “Hello?” Emilie answered, “Derek? Drake wants to see you. Where are you? I came back and the car is gone.”